Well here we all are again. Another year gone and another one looms. Last year we were all saying, “2015 is going to be my year! 2015 is going to be the year I’ll show all of you what I’m made of.” Aaaaand here we are with our, “2015 was the warm up…2016 is the YEAR!” Hey, I’m guilty of it too. Each year I have HUGE plans and a massive list of things I want to accomplish and goals I have and reasons why THIS year is going to be the year. I always lose the list and I’m exhausted by the end of month one. Why do we keep doing this to ourselves? It’s the same as when we decide to go on a diet. THIS is the diet I’m going to be successful at. I’m going to prep all my meals and I’m going to go totally clean and I’m not even going to let the chocolate into the house. Then what happens? By week 3-4 (for those who last that long) you’re crabby, angry, usually no more than 3 pounds lighter and disappointed in yourself. Why do we overload ourselves with the pressure of ALL OR NOTHING, BE ALL END ALL, BALLS TO THE WALL for the things we waited all year to accomplish? They weren’t even that important to keep track of the damn list and now we HAVE to get them done right away in the near year so we don’t go a whole other year putting them off.
This year, I decided to avoid the lists, drop the attitude of THIS IS MY YEAR and let life happen. I decided that I want to spend my time and energy on one thing that may lead to improvements in every other aspect of my life (it’s kind of a two birds with one stone theory) what needs to change is my attitude. I’m not saying attitude like I’m a bitch and hate everyone (although YOU try working a week in the hotel industry and let me know how you feel about human beings after that) I just mean the way I look at aspects in life. Whether it’s a more positive attitude towards work, a more serious attitude towards getting this book done, a kind attitude towards shitty drivers…whatever it is, I’m working on my attitude. I keep a bucket list of things I want to accomplish in my life…it’s my life list instead of my #newyearnewme list. The bucket list I will always have, I’ll always scratch things off and add things and that will continue on forever until they stuff me and prop me in my brother’s future house. This year I’m hoping instead of a HUGE list of “things” that may or may not happen…maybe if I change my attitude towards them they will actually get done. It won’t feel like something I HAVE to do but something I’m excited to try.
My first order of business with my attitude change is my attitude towards this show. I made the executive decision this morning that I am going to do a later show. For a few reasons. I’m less than thrilled with myself for the way I have been going about prepping for this show and I need an attitude adjustment. I have been busting my ass every single day, spending countless dollars on supplements and food and I couldn’t even give you a reason why I chose this show. Of COURSE my pictures look like shit…how do I expect to look AMAZING when my attitude hasn’t been amazing? I started this prep as SOON as I was feeling too soft and uncomfortable and bored in my off season. When I started my first prep it was because I had to get on that stage and show the world that I wasn’t just some funny fat girl…I was a fighter. Maybe I thought that I HAD to do another show because I came this far, may as well keep the ball rolling right? SO wrong. I forgot WHY I started bodybuilding in the first place. I lost sight of what it is about this process that I love so much. I had a blasé attitude about prep and thought that if I had one on my belt, how hard could the second one be right? I can put 110% into this book and 110% into my prep and 110% into work and trying to meet friends and get to know Arizona and I can put 110% into diet and supplements and trying to build an empire! How many % did I really think I could hand out? I’m all over the place.
I had a VERY…stern pep talk with myself yesterday and pretty much ripped myself a new asshole (as if I didn’t have enough issues in that area):
“You are amazing! (yes I talk to myself like I’m talking to myself) do you realize that you have done something that NO ONE has ever done before? Do you realize what a strong, determined and passionate person you are? Why are you fucking it all up just to get a few extra hours of sleep or because you’re too tired or some other stupid excuse you let yourself believe is okay? You are going to do AMAZING things in your life woman. You are not going to be stuck behind a computer screen listening to brides talk to you like a piece of shit on the ground forever. But no one is going to hand it to you bitch. You have to EARN it. No one owes you a damn thing, a DAMN thing. You have been so incredibly lucky to make it as far as you have with the amount of effort you have contributed. You QUIT voice lessons when you were no longer the best at it, you STOPPED acting when it got harder to land roles but THIS is the ONE thing you didn’t quit. You BUSTED your ass and you killed yourself every single day to get on that stage and you loved every single minute of it. You are MEANT to do this. You are MEANT to change people’s lives and inspire and motivate…YOU…and if you don’t fucking bust your ass every single day for the rest of your life…someone else will and you are going to have to live with that. You are NOT some fat girl who will just be someone’s wife and mother and that’s IT. You are going to change the world Lyss. It won’t happen over-night and it sure as hell won’t be handed to you. Get your ass out there and work day in and day out until you get there. You want it. FUCKING GET IT!”
Okay, that’s not EXACTLY word for word how it went. I cleaned up the language a bit and paraphrased the part where I called myself pretty. I needed the attitude fix. I made a few decisions going into 2016. I am going to be doing the INBA/PNBA Cooper Classic in Sierra Vista, Arizona on March 19th, 2016. This federation hosts the Natural Olympia every year and one day…I’m going to be there. I have to start somewhere though. Not only will I be doing a different show but a different division. I’m going to go into this show in the Women’s Bodybuilding category (and for those of you who know me know that part of the decision was based on the fact that Women’s Physique has to wear heels-I’ll pass thank you). I’m not sure why my mentality for the February show as so crappy. Maybe I was tired. Maybe I just wanted a break from being “on” every single day. Regardless of what my shitty excuses are, I’m ready. I have a purpose. I have a reason for going into this show and I have a fire in me.
I don’t need a new Lyss for 2016, this one is pretty fun and weird, but I’ll take a new attitude.
Bring it on 2016 and whatever your #newyearnewme list is… Happy New Year to EVERYONE!