Monthly Archives: November 2014

WISH IN ONE HAND, SH*T IN THE OTHER…

That’s what my dad used to say!  If I told him I REALLY wanted something he would always reply with “wish in one hand, shit in the other and see which one fills up faster.”  My father the poet.

 

Life isn’t meant to be lived just wishing for things to happen TO you.  Sometimes you have to make them happen for yourself.  Another quote I think about a lot is from the movie Ever After where he tells the prince “Fate has a lot to do boy…sometimes you have to give her a hand!”  Isn’t that the damn truth?

 

I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason, but I am an even bigger fan of making things happen, working hard and stirring shit up so that opportunity shows itself.  It’s a delicate combination of all of the above (I don’t have time to explain science to you!)

 

If life went exactly how I wished it would, I would be a mega-movie star by now with one mansion in L.A., a Chateau in the South of France and another mansion in Las Vegas but sometimes life has other plans.

 

It goes without saying that these last few months have not gone according to plan.  I had the big surgery on September 30th with a pretty rough and painful recovery, then, it was discovered that I developed an infection in my right butt cheek so I had to go in for another surgery to have it drained and tied off because the infection got into the muscle on November 5th.  I may have to go in for one more surgery in the next few weeks to have the muscle scraped and the packing that is inside the open wound removed.

 

This has been the most draining, exhausting and painful experience physically that I have ever been through.  I have had a few people ask me a very interesting question and I’m still not quite sure how to respond but it got me to thinking.  When people ask about the fissures and what they were caused by and find out that it could have been a byproduct from going to the bathroom so much after having the Duodenal Switch surgery, some people have asked me if I regret having the surgery to begin with or if I would have still had the surgery knowing that this could have happened down the line.

 

Those are two very different questions but important ones that I do need to consider.  I would never regret having the surgery.  Having bariatric surgery forced me into the right path to changing myself, reflecting on the aspects of my life I needed to change and giving me a violent shove of a head start.  If I had known that this was a possibility later on down the line before I had the surgery I think I still would have gone for it.  At that point I was so desperate and so willing to do whatever I could just to lose the weight that I would have not thought twice.  Plus, it is nearly impossible to explain to someone the level of pain associated with the fissures…I never would have listened.

 

I’m trying as much as possible to live life as normally as possible after all of this.  I’m doing everything the doctor tells me to do and am taking extra precaution at the gym and making sure to get in ALL of my hot baths which do offer some relief.  It seems unnatural for me to go to bed early and rest as much as I have the last few weeks.  It seems like torture to not do exactly what I want at the gym.  The doctor makes it sound like he’s grounding me, “6-8 weeks of no lifting.”  That’s it! Just says it out right with no consideration of my personal feelings!  Rude.

 

In addition to everything going on, Marc and I have decided to go our separate ways.  We are still in each other’s lives and care for each other very much, but timing is everything as they say and this just wasn’t our time.

 

These are the things of life that truly make you take a step back and appreciate when life is really good.  Things need to fall apart to challenge you and test your strength.  Honestly, this one almost got me.  I wanted to just stay in bed so many days and just cry and feel sorry for myself and question why this is happening to me.  I refuse to fall victim to this behavior.  I’m better than that.  I am healthy!  I have people in my life who love me and who I love unconditionally!  Things could be WAY worse.  My progress has stalled a bit and I have taken a few steps back with training but this time is just fueling my fire even more to hit the ground running (not really because we all know I don’t run).  I have come to peace with the fact that maybe I just needed this down time to charge myself up for the full ass kicking, life crushing and ball busting that is my very near future!  Enjoy the quiet while you can and consider yourself warned!

 

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