No matter what happens in life I always like to prepare myself for things going wrong, for complications and things that might hold me back. Granted, there is no POSSIBLE way to predict what these might be or when they will happen…but I find that being prepared and keeping myself aware is the best way overcome these things.
Never, Ever in my wildest dreams could I ever prepare myself for what I have been going through the past few days.
*WARNING* This is WAY too much information for people to know about me and if you are over sensitive to too much info then just quit reading now.
Just a little bit of background history- Back in November I started having issues with HORRIBLE pain after going to the bathroom (we are talking hurty poops here). This was body numbing pain. Nothing I have ever experienced before. I ended up in the ER one night for the pain and met with a Colorectal surgeon who was on call and said that I had what is called Fissures which are open cuts along the inside of my rectum. He gave me medication for it and some pain killers and sent me on my way.
A few weeks later the pain came back even worse. I ended up going in for a procedure where the doctor injects botox into the area so its not as clenched and the fissures can heal. This helped for a few months! The surgeon suggested I go see a gastroenterologist who will be able to be there if anything else should happen in that area and who can give me a colonoscopy which I needed.
I held off on finding a gastro doctor because things seemed to be going okay…until they weren’t. I started having the terrible pain again- keep in mind…each time this pain comes back I can’t sit, lay, stand and going to the bathroom is literally terrifying. I found a gastro doctor and he gave me a prescription for pain killers as well as some cream and told me to do what I had been doing the ENTIRE time which was; Epsom Salt baths, Miralax, clean diet high in fiber and not as many squats when I lift. A few weeks later I called to request a refill of the pain killers because the pain still had not gone away. After asking me a slew of questions such as, “Why do you need more?” “How many are you taking?” “How could the pain possibly be that bad?” He refused to refill the prescription and told me to find a pain management specialist.
I ended up finding a new doctor. I met with this doctor two weeks ago and he agreed to do a colonoscopy. He said that he doesn’t believe in pain killers for pain management. This was great! I have been doing SO great with my training and my weight loss the LAST thing I want to do is put that crap in my body but since it was the only thing that would help with the pain then I assumed this doctor would have a better solution to the problem.
After the colonoscopy the doctor said that I do have fissures AND hemmrhoids and that I should continue with the Miralax, Baths, and if the pain gets really bad that I can take Tylenol on a regular basis… UHM… WHAT?! THAT was his solution to his problem?! Everything I had already DONE?! Since the pain wasn’t TOO terrible I said fine and went about my way. The next day after my colonoscopy the pain came back fast and furious. We are talking mind numbing, screaming, crying and terror every time I went to the bathroom. I was terrified to eat because I didn’t want to have to go to the bathroom more than necessary, I couldn’t sleep, sit, move. It was effecting my job and even worse… I couldn’t train. I could barely walk from the bathroom to my room let alone run, lift or anything else that I do for my training. After another sleepless night screaming in the bathtub in pain I called my doctor to beg him for a solution to the pain. His response was WORD FOR WORD….”Well, it sounds like you have good days and bad days… let’s hope that you have a good day coming up soon.” THAT was his answer!
That night (Tuesday, April 30th) I would up in the ER again. The pain was so excruciating that I was screaming in the tub for almost an hour before my poor brother called my mom at work and told her I needed to go into the hospital. When they took me in the doctor called my doctor…and my doctor told him that he does not think pain killers would help and to just give me what would get me by and send me home.
It has been DAYS and I have barely eaten, barely slept, have freaked out all of my co-workers by waddling around… haven’t trained once and I am sitting here writing this on a heating pad and a donut. It’s a very helpless feeling. When my doctor makes me feel like some drug addict when ALL I need from him is a way to get rid of this pain. FINALLY, I have an appointment tomorrow (Friday) with a surgeon. They have talked about doing a major procedure called a Sphincterotomy and/or doing the botox again.
Everything was going SO great until this all started. Every hour that goes by I am revving up my engine to get back into the gym, every second that passes I am making a plan to get back into my routine and crush it every single day. I will NEVER let ANYTHING hold me back from doing this…Not even something like this. No matter what happens to me, no matter what may come up and hold me back for a little while it will never stop me. My health is incredibly important to me, I have to take care of myself in every aspect and if I have to take a week or two off from the gym in order to make sure this is taken care of then that is exactly what I will do.
If anyone wishes to be updated feel free to ask haha OR if you have had similar issues feel free to let me know and I would be HAPPY to have a bitch session with you about how much it hurts. FYI- If you’ve never had fissures or hemmies…just know that it is IMPOSSIBLE to find words in the English language that could possibly describe the magnitude of the pain that is felt!
Thank you for listening to my graphic venting session. I’m just waiting until I can get back into it and continue kicking ass instead of just having mine kicked.
*Keep your fingers, toes, nipples… everything crossed that the surgeon has a solution for me tomorrow!*